Just stop it already. Restaurants , cafes, subways, trains, planes, automobiles, any gathering with other people congregate are not places for bodily sounds. They just aren’t. Bodily sounds should be kept private. Period.

Sneezing and coughing can not be helped of course so, we will excuse those. Everything else should be kept in check. Forcibly listening to others gurgling, inhaling snot, clearing their throats (not once out of necessity but repeatedly, loudly) is disgusting. it is a nasty habit that I am utterly surprised at people not having been told by someone, their mother and father perhaps, that they must not do. Isn’t teaching your offspring how to behave in public an integral part of any decent upbringing?

Today I sit in a cafe in Parc Bit, in Palma Mallorca. I am happily typing away when a middle aged man, nicely dressed, clean looking, sits down next to me. Almost immediately he starts making a series of noises. Bodily noises. He deeply and loudly pulls snot, real or imaginary, up his nose, only to coughingly release it seconds later. Every few minutes he does it. It is awful. The more I try not to hear it, and gag, the worse it gets.

Based on my utterly unscientific observations, bodily sounds are much more frequent in males. Seldom do women breath loudly. You know the kind of breathing I am talking about, the kind that disturbs any movie, meeting or meal, heavy, almost panting breathing, not to say the quieter kind isn’t as disturbing, the wheezing one loud enough to be heard but not so loud that everyone hears it. For god’s sake breathing quietly is possible for most of us, why not for you too?

I hate to make this into a women/men thing, but based on my observations it is. Seldom do women do weird semi-coughing, throat clearing, snorting noises repeatedly, interferingly. I think women are probably too self conscious. I know I am. I am utterly and completely aware of my bodily sounds and I keep them in complete check when in public. I try hard not to disturb others in all ways, after all I am not alone in any public space. If I don’t want to hear a noise, then I won’t make it. Fair enough.

I wonder though, if the people making all these revolting noises even know they are making them? I think not, after all who wants to be disgusting? Then, I wonder, why has no one told the person in question that they are in fact seriously disgusting and asked them to stop it, now, immediately and forever. There are nice ways to say it and if it doesn’t stop, there are plenty of not so nice ways to inform someone that they are rude and obnoxious, ways that will make them shut up and show common decency and consideration of others.