We have spent two weeks in Hoi An. After a stressful, eventful, tiring couple of months we needed to destress, relax so we decided to do nothing for a couple of weeks. We got a great deal on a wonderful, brand new hotel in Hoi An, with  a sweet pool and an awesome, decadent breakfast buffet and sweet, friendly, helpful staff. Perfect for doing absolutely nothing.

We chose Hoi An because we love Asian food, we love spring rolls, noodles, the veggies, the wantons, all of it, and the story going around is that Hoi An is the mecca of Vietnamese food. The stories we heard, the blogs written about Hoi An and all its food…Well we had to check it out. Also, the architecture and history of the place certainly appealed to us.

We were in for a rude surprise. Hoi An’s food fel flat for us. For starters they love their Cilantro and I detest cilantro. Every single spring roll, fresh or fried, was full of cilantro. Every single damn dish had cilantro in it. When I nicely asked for spring rolls without cilantro they substituted the cilantro with fennel, without fail. To me, those two are the same kind of spices, both have a somewhat stale, used used sockish like taste. Adding to the injury, salt is not the thing in Hoi An. Everything was lacking in salt, making the food bland. Yes bland. I know everyone raves about Hoi An food, but we did no taste it. We tried so many places and yet, well, nothing struck us as amazing, as innovative or as plain great, classic cooking. There was no way around it, the spices and tastes of Hi An did not agree with me.

We went to all the recommended restaurants, we tried the Bahn Mi featured by Anthony Bourdain and whilst ok, it was nothing spectacular. We ate at the famous Morning Glory, Mrs. Vy’s famous restaurant.  Whilst no restaurant in Hoi An blew us away in a positive way, Morning Glory blew us away in all the wrong ways. Boy was it bad. The service was awful, we waited and waited and waited, the portions were minuscule, the prices were, comparatively huge. The chicken soup was all grease and no meat, It was a full blown tourist trap that in no way lived up to the hype. It was quite dirty too, with menues falling apart and old food on the floor, and nasty bathrooms with no soap, never a good sign.

We did find many small, nice, pleasant places, holes in the wall as well as real restaurants that we liked. For instance Ms. Ly (both 1 and 2) and the lovely courtyard Hai Cafe, that is a quiet and calm retreat from the touristy streets of Hoi An. We also ventured out to the expat watering hole Dingo Deli so our son could have some much requested potatoes. It was nice. Expensive, but nice and if you need western food, a great place for well made burgers and fries. The reason we initially even went was for their much touted play ground. Our five year old was in need of some fun. Alas, it was not much to brag about and there were never any kids there (not Dingo Deli’s fault of course) so it was a bit of a disappointment. One positive aspect of the food scene was the pastries and baked goods; the tartes with nuts and carmel at the Cargo Club rivaled any I have had in France. Simply delicious and very, very affordable.

All in all, Hoi An is beautiful. the colors, the old town, the houses, the small cobbled streets, the lanters, the light, the river, the flowers, the colors. Absolutely stunning and extremely picturesque. By all means enjoy Hoi An, we did, but don’t have too high hopes in regards to authenticity or any culinary adventures.